Hitting rock bottom

 

All was going reasonably well. Spring flowers welcomed me in the garden, and the days are lengthening as we near the Spring Equinox.

I had a sinus infection, which had laid me low for over a week. Nevertheless, I was coping, using saline nose spray, paracetamol, lots of drinks and fruit, and bed rest to ease the symptoms. The conservatory is bright and cheerful, with daytime temperatures in the high teens thanks to additional heating from a thermostatically controlled fan heater.

The weather turned cold and very windy, but I thought I could get through it as I had done many times before. Yesterday, my sinuses were worse so I phoned my GP 's Surgery. I am very frightened of being alone and ill, but admitted to the Receptionist that I didn't think it was an emergency and she said there were no none-emergency slots available.  

My mental state crashed when I saw my lovely Arbour Seat on its back against the fence. There was no way I could set it to rights by myself, given the feeble state I was in. 

Not for the first time, I felt totally alone and incapable of helping myself. Why had I thought that I was ready to reach out a helping hand to others and set up a local Good Grief Pop Up Cafe? 

I wanted to go to sleep forever.

This morning, I was no better. I know I am battling a return of the Depression that has plagued my adult life. Eamonn was always there at my side throughout those battles, even in his final months.

I know I have friends I can turn to, but worry about my physical health made me pick up the phone and dial the Surgery number. It took 30 minutes for a receptionist to be available. I am booked in with a Clinical Practitioner ( a nurse ) for this afternoon. My regular GP is on annual leave but, in the main, I find the nurses more sympathetic to my physical and mental needs. 

One bright gap in the grey clouds is the fact that I felt physically strong enough to set the Arbour Seat to rights as I had done after last year's gales. There is some minor damage to the back of the panelling, but nothing major. I may have to use some of the Skadu's guy ropes to keep it upright in the next windy spell.